Johnny Lager's Cocktail Hour

Johnny Lager's Cocktail Hour:

Every now and then, When I can't think of anything to write, I'll present to you this series of How-to's.

Equipping Your Home-Bar, Vol. 1; Blowing the First of Several Pay-Checks:

Booze, uh, I mean, Spirits:

There are many, many types of cocktails, never mind the number ingredients and their varying qualities and characteristics. And of course, every drinker has their own idiosyncrasies. So how can we build or fine-tune our humble home-bar to accommodate everyone's prima-donna, persnickety needs?

Well, we have 4 options:

1) Just hanging with your college friends? McCormick Vodka and any blue colored syrup you can find at the grocery store will do. Even cough syrup. Maybe get a lime.

2) If you have classier friends, like I pretend I do, go to your local liquor store, head straight to the bottom shelf and get one of everything; vodka, gin, blended whiskey, bourbon, light and dark rums. You can buy more expensive signature bottles as you scrape together the loot. Next, you need dry and sweet vermouths. Vermouth is cheap, so always buy the best. As I always say, "Martini & Rossi, FTW." 

Liquor: $50 

Vermouth $12

3) My favorite option: For a few dollars more you can get some pretty tasty stuff; Sobieski vodka, Gordon's gin, Canadian whiskey like Seagrams and Evan William's bourbon. Rum? I know fuck-all about rum. Help me out in the comments section, wouldya? Anyway, as far as bar-bang-for-your-buck, these are cheap yet high quality liquors you won't mind mixing. Cocktails made with these carefully selected bottles will put you in good stead with the hoi polloi. 

Liquor: $65 

Vermouth $12

4) What's that? You make a killing working for VanDeLay Industries? Well excuse me, Lord Swankington, go ahead, break the bank and buy the "top shelf" shit all at once! I stock Belvedere vodka, Boodles gin, Tullamore Dew whiskey and Makers Mark bourbon and whatever rum I'm experimenting with at the time.

Liquor: $?? Sky's the limit, Homeschool. 

Vermouth $12 seriously, Martini & Rossi, FTW.

Mixers:

Finally, you'll need mixers. A grocery store will have all the common mixers like juice and soda. I keep orange juice, pineapple juice, tonic, ginger beer and Coca-Cola on hand at all times. Pepsi is for children. They'll also have sweetened and unsweetened lime juice as as well as grenadine.

Mixers: $15-20

This will give you all you need to mix quite a few classic cocktails at a moments notice. For example, I often like to surprise myself with a dry martini within minutes of getting home. Self love is key. And you can mix so much more; a Dry, Sweet, or Perfect Manhattan, all the Bucks, Coolers and Mules, as well as several standards like the Gin and Tonic, Screwdriver, rum or whiskey and Coke, etc. And, thanks to me, you did it all within your budget. Ain't I sweet?

Next installment, i.e., next time I can't think of a good article; Bar Equipment, on the cheap!

Keep it classy, and bottoms up!

Comments

[Jay]

I absolutely love that you 'surprise' yourself with a cocktail. Awesome. I usually only manage to surprise myself with a hangover.

[Johnny Lager]

Oh, hangovers are never surprising. Hmm, perhaps we shouldn't allow the full spelling of "h-ng-v-rs," on Tipsy, like with other sites and bad language...

[Johnny Lager]

I'll amend that, h-ng-v-rs can be surprisingly bad.

[Johnny Lager]

Actually, I totally concede; I have woken up on a weekday, feeling awful, and can't imagine why for like, five whole minutes.

[Bridget]

And you have to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the inevidable blinding headache that will hit you the moment you get out of bed. Oh, the pain...Can people die of a hangover?