Tipsy

The Remains of British Imperialism and the Age of Exploration

by Jay

Last Friday, throngs of Buffalonians crammed into Kleinhans Music Hall to hear Salman Rushdie give a talk about his works. Perhaps best known for the fatwa placed on him by the Ayatollah Khomeini, Rushdie spent about ten years in hiding as extremists attacked publishers, retailers, and translators for working with “The Satanic Verses.” It seems, he’s also known as a novelist.

India-born and Britain-educated, Mr. Rushdie combined wit, precision, insight, and intellect for his riveting talk. He spoke of the problems inherent with the information age, of the increasing need for literature as historical witness, and of his experiences before and after the fatwa. His dry humor and quick references kept the large audience engaged throughout. It was truly an honor to be a present for the talk.  

In keeping with the theme of British domination, we went to Betty’s for a post-Rushdie drink. I ordered a Hendrick’s & Lime. While this may sound commonplace, Betty’s staff makes a fresh lime juice blended with simple syrup that is divine. I made sure to have two cocktails because, obviously, one can never get enough Vitamin C. Scurvy may be a thing of the past, but that doesn’t mean I should neglect precautionary measures.

I'm Leaving You For Your Sister

 by Prichinna

 

Dear Mary, 

The last time we were together, I must admit, it wasn’t the best of times. To help me refresh my own memory, it was a respectable brunch in late January at La Carbonara on West 14^th Street in Manhattan. For an additional $12, I could indulge in as much of you as I could – for two hours anyway. 

And indulge I did, commencing before I even ordered my eggs Benny. This might have been the first mistake in our relationship. But Mary, you were just a starter and you got me primed for the playoff games at Ainsworth around the block. Liquor before beer, have no fear? Yeah…, no.

After that scene, Mary dear, I swore I would stay away from you. Not that it was entirely your fault, you see, but I don’t really think I was all that into you anyway. And then I met your sister, Square Mary. Not only does she reside much closer to me than you - at The Grey Horse Tavern in Bayport - but there was no need for over indulgence either. 

Now maybe I just wasn’t on a mission this time around, or maybe I just wanted to savor her. She is much pricier than you, $11 for just one crystal quilted Ball Jar full. Yeah, I definitely couldn’t afford to overdue it this time.

So I am thinking, darling, you should take some pointers from your sis. First off, the garnish. While the celery stalk makes quite the fine stirrer, a pickled green bean is just so much tastier.  The sweet brine clears the palate and compliments the savory taste of spicy juice. Tabasco? Uh-uh, dash of cayenne is all you really need. Horseradish and lemon? Most definitely. But will any old vodka do? No way José. This is where you and your sister differ entirely. Square Mary is made with a cucumber-infused vodka. Yum! 

The Grey Horse Tavern uses Square One Cucumber vodka, Square Mary’s namesake. Square One is organically produced in North Dakota from an organic rye. It is infused with cucumber essence, which produces a subtle yet clearly defined smooth-heated vodka. Paired with a perfectly blended tomato mixture, it leaves you with a surprisingly refreshing twist. A twist I just did not experience with you that day in January. Or ever before actually. I even found myself craving Square Mary on Monday afternoon… 

So Mary, I don’t think we can hang out anymore. I am sorry to say, but I am leaving you for your zestier sister. 

Best Regards,

The Savvy Bruncher 

Johnny Lager's Cocktail Hour: St. Patrick's Day Edition

I am neither Catholic, nor Irish, but I know a good thing when I see it. St Pat's is a day for swinging from rafters, and although I am a gentleman to the last, I'ma swing from a rafter now and then. But Saint Pat's falls on a Wednesday this year, so most of us "made our observances" this past weekend. I, for example, imbibed in an apartment overlooking the parade, beguiling the revelers with some of my finer "blue" material. Last year I wondered through the warren of fist-fights that surrounds my favorite dive bars. I'll probably do that again next year.

Do these adventures mean we can't observe the holiday on it's proper day? Heavens no! Instead, we should invite some of the lads and ladies by, and reacquaint ourselves with some of Irelands least expensive finest whiskeys, and cocktails.

But no "Irish Car Bombs" here; no green beer; no mint martinis. We are far too familiar with those. If my column has a unified purpose, it is to be smug. But, if it has a second one, it is to elevate the palate. But let's not go crazy; the following recipes builds on the previous one. Even the first one.

The first three cocktails have the same base:

2 oz Irish whiskey - It's St. Pat's, Jameson's is on sale, so use that.

Ginger beer - ginger ale blows.

15 oz highball glass filled with ice

Highball:

Pour whiskey into glass, top with ginger beer.

Irish Buck:

Pour whiskey into glass, twist a lemon peel into glass, drop in peel, top with ginger beer. 

Irish Ale:

Pour whiskey into glass, squeeze 3 lime wedges into glass, drop in wedges, pour in 3 oz ginger beer.

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Now, lets mix a Whiskey Sour. A real one. "Sour mix" is pedestrian. This little beauty is beautifully balanced when mixed properly.

Whiskey Sour:

2 oz Whiskey

2 oz Lemon juice

1 oz Simple syrup*

1 Maraschino cherry -for the ladies

Boston shaker

Rocks glass

*Simple syrup: put equal parts sugar and water in a glass jar and shake till completely dissolved. Use a microwave if need be.

Combine all liquids in a Boston shaker filled with ice, swirl well, strain into a rocks glass, garnish with the cherry. 

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Ready to go sick-house behind the bar?

Irish Kilt 

2 oz. Irish Whiskey 

1 oz. Scotch 

1 oz. Lemon juice 

1 oz. Simple syrup 

3 Dashes of Orange Bitters 

Boston shaker

Cocktail glass

Combine all the ingredients in a Boston shaker filled with ice, swirl well, strain into cocktail glass. 

Good luck finding the Orange bitters. Sub with Angostura Bitters and a twist of orange peel.

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Listen people, Tipsy loves you, be safe, drive safe.

Ties on, bottom up!

Johnny Lager's Cocktail Hour

Belated Washington's Birthday Edition. As always, a story and a cocktail recipe.

As the first stirrings of spring are in the air and the snow melts from the meadows, we are reminded that there is work to do. We must renew our vigor and resolve. But, it's still cold and dreary! What shall we do?

Well, pull up an old timey tavern chair and sit with ol' Johnny Lager by the fire, I've a tail to tell, and a hell of a   cocktail with which to wake you from winter's spell.

The Father of Our Nation

By 1775, the American colonies were sick and tired of England's bull crap and went looking for a bad-ass to square things with the Brits. Willing to do his share, Washington, a militia leader, was appointed commander-in-chief of the American revolutionary forces. By 1783, he and his scrappy 13 colonies (plus France, but whatevs) pushed the British Empire out of their land. To learn more, watch Braveheart, pretend Mel Gibson is George Washington, and turn it off before Mel is betrayed. Oh, and Patrick McGoohan didn't kill Washington's wife.

At the end of revolutionary war, the defeated King George III, asked what Washington would do. When he learned that Washington wanted to return to his farm; King George III said, "If he does that, he will be the greatest man in the world." Washington indeed returned to private life on his (ahem) hemp plantation and thus was (retroactively) declared the "greatest man in the world," by his enemy. Process that. My mom doesn't think that highly of me.

Thankfully Washington returned to duty, presiding over the drafting of the Constitution, becoming the (more or less) First President of the United States and avoiding further wars with England and France. And he did it all while wearing a jaunty powdered wig. With wooden teeth. Washington had the wooden teeth, not the wig.

The Otherside

Which brings me, of course, to modern day Boston. It was here that I first tried the cocktail that could only be named for the man who delivered us from the sinister English, and single-handedly co-founded this nation. Fittingly, I discovered it in the fiercely independent Otherside Café, hidden on the west-most block of Newbury St. This undeniably American establishment has a three-fold charm; 1) it is staffed by hip, friendly bicycle messengers, who are known for their ironically relaxed service - I have never gotten a spoon with my coffee. 2) Their gourmet panini, wraps and other fair are far better than the status quo. 3) They serve kick-awesome beers all the ding-dang day long and well into the night. Fortunately, one of the managers is an old friend, so my enthusiasm for Charm #3 (read: voracious consumption of curiously high proof lager) is tolerated. Anyway, on a cold, wet day like this one, stop in and order...

The George Washington:

1 Pint Guinness

1 demitasse espresso

The Prep:

You will need a 20 oz. imperial pint glass, a Guinness tall-boy and some espresso. Although I am a famous can-hater, use the tall-boys, they are close to a pint.

Some people like to brew their own espresso, and I salute them. They are the vigorous, can-do types that make our land great. But the how to's are a bit dicey, so I will not cover that here. Stop at a café and buy a few shots of espresso, you'll probably want the espresso to cool down anyway.

The Build:

1) Open a chilled Guinness tall-boy. Warm ones explode.

1) Pour the Guinness into the pint glass.

2) Pour the espresso into that very same pint glass.

3) Enjoy.

The Experience:

Like it's namesake, The George Washington is unexpectedly bold, smooth, purposeful and honest. I'm getting a little teary over here. It's flavor starts with the familiar, pleasant taste of Guinness. As you continue, it darkens into the rich coffee without tipping past its base component. The finish mellows back to the creamy, extra-stout, but leaves a sweetened coffee aftertaste. But enough of that foofery! Here's a cocktail that rolls up your sleeves and loosens your tie. Here's a cocktail that gets shit done!

Thank you, George Washington, for so much.

Ties on, Bottoms up!