Tipsy

Ali and Jess go to Home Run Burgers

  

by Prichinna

After some late morning shopping with my lovie Jess, we decided to stop for a late afternoon lunch. Burger’s were in order since it was spring break and we needed a little grease after an open mic night the evening before. 

My facebook friend Mike had just opened a burger joint a few days before so we decided to give it a whirl. It became a bit of a search due to the fact that I thought he said it was located in Holtsville. After taking a tour of that town, we stumbled across it in Holbrook. Hey, they both start with an H and are located next door to one another. 

So after our Harold and Kumar adventure, without Doogie or the drugs, we arrived at Home Run Burgers. The carry-out burger joint is located on the wedge on Main street, a great traffic pattern for this fast-food establishment. There is ample parking in the rear and a neatly manicured landscape surrounds the brick patio in the front. Once inside, there is a line to order and separate one for pick-up. Sports memorabilia lines one of the white tiled walls that is bordered with blue and red-checkered tiles. One can’t deny a nostalgic all American feeling here.

Burger choices are a single, double, or triple Angus burger with or without cheese, pickles, and onions. The most expensive burger on the menu is the Homerun Burger with two ¼ pound patties, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onions, and cheese: $4.99. The menu also boasts a Chicken slider, a cheese dog, and a Philly cheese steak. There are onion rings, fries, cheese fries, and chili cheese fries as well. You can even order an old fashioned milkshake or a fountain soda to wash it all down. 

Jess and I indulged in a tasty cheeseburger, a cheese dog with an extra soft and fresh bun, and cheese fries. Next time we will ask for more cheese as it was a bit scant. That and two sodas came to a mere 10 bucks. We enjoyed our meal on the patio. The place was hopping and we chose to sit on the slate retaining wall, although there were four umbrellaed (-ellaed, ellaed...) tables that each sat eight. If the weather was not conducive to dining outside, there are ten stools and counters along the front windows. Of course you could always get your burgers to go. 

Home Run Burgers is open every night until 10 pm and until midnight on Fridays and Saturdays.

  
  

S.W.A.K. worthy AND a Home Run

Happy to be Green with Ya!

 
 

by Prichinna

Every year I have every intention of attending the Montauk St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Yet somehow, the previous night’s activities eat up those intentions and impede me from taking the 1 hour and 45 minute train ride out east early on a Sunday morning. As I set my alarm Saturday night (technically Sunday morning), it told me I only had 4 hours and 12 minutes to sleep, I almost backed out again.

People have been traveling to the tip of the south fork for 48 years to participate in New York State’s 2^nd largest St. Patrick’s Day parade. The Montauk Friend’s of Erin Parade draws up to 45,000 people a year and has about 90 entrants, varying from fire departments, floats, and performing acts. I quickly learned that my friend Jess lives for this day. It has become bigger than Christmas for her and she takes this day to the next level. Costume and all, Jess becomes Miss St. Patty herself.  I also learned that rarely does one survives a parade day with the lass, let alone return for a round two. I had a mission because I was Jess’s ‘this-year-girl’.

We started the morning by smuggling a six-pack of tall boys onto the train. There are 364 days a year that you can drink on the LIRR, but this particular day happens to be excluded. There were cops all over the platform, and I am not sure how Jess’s green hair didn’t make us a target for a bag search. Nevertheless, we made it onto the train and started our St. Patty’s day journey. We pre-gamed a bit with our stash and enjoyed the ride out east. After being herded off the car and corralled like cattle out of the station, we made our way to the first stop, The Old Harbour House.  Here we were attired with green beads and some sparkly green top hats by a friendly bartender. The bar was open and airy with Blue Moon on tap, yum. With an outdoor patio and bar, it looks like a great place to return to in the summer.

After a few beers and bathroom breaks, we realized the parade was underway. We were near the end of the queue and we walked along the route to make our way into town. The next thing I knew, we were in the parade. Jess’s brother and his girlfriend hitched a ride on the wide chrome bumper of a fire truck. I walked arm-in-arm with Miss St. Patty herself as she did the Ms. America wave. The cameras snapped and the crowd ate her up. We had just had our 15 minutes of fame in Montauk. We quickly dipped out when we saw a row of porta-potties and moved onto stop #2, appropriately named The Trail’s End.

The Trail’s End was a bit smaller and darker than the first bar and had no Blue Moon. The bartender tried to pass off a rum and diet for a vodka and diet to a friend, but made good on his mistake.  The name of stop #3 was fuzzy by this point and someone put a can of Coor’s light in my hand. Done. Food was soon in order and Village Pizza was delicious. The service was quick and the pizza was hot. The last stop was Memory Motel. This was more like a club and even had a $5 cover. It was dark and loud and there were at least two fights in our short time there. When we emerged back out into the warm sunlight, most of the crowd had cleared, leaving the sidewalks full of plastic cups and other litter. Some drunks stumbled about the streets and it was clear it was time to head back to the station. No fancy walk for us this time, just a somber cab ride back to the mayhem of the 5:33 train. Oh yeah, you don’t want to miss the train out. There is not another one out until 1 a.m. and I can only imagine how many get stuck there, or rather, how many people Montauk gets stuck with.

Will I be Jess’s next year girl? Hell yeah! But next year, look for Miss and Ms. St. Patty. I am ordering a green wig right now.

  
 

This event was S.W.A.K. worthy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm Leaving You For Your Sister

 by Prichinna

 

Dear Mary, 

The last time we were together, I must admit, it wasn’t the best of times. To help me refresh my own memory, it was a respectable brunch in late January at La Carbonara on West 14^th Street in Manhattan. For an additional $12, I could indulge in as much of you as I could – for two hours anyway. 

And indulge I did, commencing before I even ordered my eggs Benny. This might have been the first mistake in our relationship. But Mary, you were just a starter and you got me primed for the playoff games at Ainsworth around the block. Liquor before beer, have no fear? Yeah…, no.

After that scene, Mary dear, I swore I would stay away from you. Not that it was entirely your fault, you see, but I don’t really think I was all that into you anyway. And then I met your sister, Square Mary. Not only does she reside much closer to me than you - at The Grey Horse Tavern in Bayport - but there was no need for over indulgence either. 

Now maybe I just wasn’t on a mission this time around, or maybe I just wanted to savor her. She is much pricier than you, $11 for just one crystal quilted Ball Jar full. Yeah, I definitely couldn’t afford to overdue it this time.

So I am thinking, darling, you should take some pointers from your sis. First off, the garnish. While the celery stalk makes quite the fine stirrer, a pickled green bean is just so much tastier.  The sweet brine clears the palate and compliments the savory taste of spicy juice. Tabasco? Uh-uh, dash of cayenne is all you really need. Horseradish and lemon? Most definitely. But will any old vodka do? No way José. This is where you and your sister differ entirely. Square Mary is made with a cucumber-infused vodka. Yum! 

The Grey Horse Tavern uses Square One Cucumber vodka, Square Mary’s namesake. Square One is organically produced in North Dakota from an organic rye. It is infused with cucumber essence, which produces a subtle yet clearly defined smooth-heated vodka. Paired with a perfectly blended tomato mixture, it leaves you with a surprisingly refreshing twist. A twist I just did not experience with you that day in January. Or ever before actually. I even found myself craving Square Mary on Monday afternoon… 

So Mary, I don’t think we can hang out anymore. I am sorry to say, but I am leaving you for your zestier sister. 

Best Regards,

The Savvy Bruncher 

Homeslice

by Jay

When I was considering my move to Buffalo from New York, I was not at all convinced that I would survive. After all, how would a dedicated food-slave like myself manage in what is oft-seen as a cultural wasteland? Imagine my surprise when my first stop while looking at apartments was Betty’s.

 

I arrived on a grim February day, which is to say a typical February day in Buffalo. (NB: While I find that most of the year up here is beautiful, February blows. Period.) There wasn’t nearly as much snow as I’d expected, so clomping around on the frozen grass in my snow boots felt a bit ridiculous. I had a half-assed map from the Lonely Planet and no clue whatsoever about the city. I did, however, have an appointment to look at an apartment on Hudson Street, so since I was early, I wandered down to Betty’s for a coffee.

 

It was a Saturday, probably around noon or so. Despite the lack of snow, it was very cold outside and I was chilled from exploring Buffalo on foot. Betty’s was very busy with the brunch crowd, and I have since found out that it’s got one of the best brunches in town. Not being of the brunch-going sect in NYC, I didn’t even think about that at the time – I just wanted something hot to drink. Only a little table by the front was open, so I grabbed that and ordered a scone and a coffee. The waitress brought a cherry and white chocolate chip scone and, I shit thee not, it was one of the best damn things I’ve ever tasted. (In fact, they have been consistently sold out every time since that I’ve gone.) I was thrilled once I had a look at the menu too: many vegetarian options, homey food with a creative twist. After visiting Betty’s and, later, the Allen Street Hardware Café, I figured that I could indeed survive in Buffalo.

 

Four years later, Betty’s is still one of my favorite places to eat. Through wine, I got to know the owners, Carroll and Doty, and I even held a wine tasting for the staff. (My god, they can drink!) Betty’s was recently expanded to include a full bar and I think my visits have increased in direct correlation to the added square footage. The bar area is surprisingly swank for the funk of Allentown, but it blends well with the warm restaurant. One of my favorite new features is a massive wood door Carroll found at Buffalo ReUse, and I’m determined to smuggle that bitch out at some point.

 

Last night, ElMarko and I went to Kleinhans Music Hall, another favorite, to see a performance for the Buffalo Chamber Music Society. I bought season tickets this year for the two of us because it’s one of the biggest bargains to be found, and that’s saying a lot in a very cheap city. It gives us an excuse to get gussied mid-week and take ourselves out, all classy-like. I donned a purpley dress with gold heels and a little gold jacket, which is not quite as tacky as it sounds. And, despite all of the higher end restaurants we could hit, we went to go to Betty’s. It’s around the corner from Kleinhans and I know that we, as vegetarians, are always able to have options other than a portobello whatever. The food is always great and the service is always friendly. The recently expanded wine list is well-constructed, and nothing is too expensive. In an industry plagued with the lackluster, Betty’s has found the perfect niche of warm, affordable, and most of all, delicious.  

 

 

Sidewalk Vigilantes

 

by Prichinna

I love live music. I love turtles. I even love Candy Land. At the Sage Café, you can find all of these things - as well as Blue Point brews always on tap. A few nights a week, music flows between the walls of this cozy bar/restaurant. Just behind the talents of the night, in a corner pond, live some red-eared sliders. And in the piano bench resides a Candy Land game. So when my Music Guru Pete told me to come down on a Saturday night to see a “phenomenal” band, he didn’t have to twist my arm very hard.

Sage is located in Blue Point, Long Island along Montauk Highway. The outside appearance is quaint, and the inside is quite cozy. A sign above the performers says all you need to know: "Welcome to Sage Café. A Good Old Fashioned Place. Relax --- This is Not A Fast-Food Place. It is Not Half-Fast Either. It is Full Slow. So Sit Back and Look Around… Enjoy Life and The People That are Here!!!"  

Music Guru Pete, who has yet to steer me wrong in the realm of local talent, has been telling me about Jesse Pagano and his various bands for probably close to a year now. Jesse is a Patchogue native that has been playing at local establishments for years, although he mainly plays in the city now. (And on Long Island, there's only one 'city'.) There are many incarnations of his band Karmasutra, which plays home-grown acoustic music with a reggae flavor. On this particular night, we were listening to Jesse and the Sidewalk Vigilantes, who are his two brothers Craig and Noah. (The brothers are also part of Karmasutra.) Jesse was the front man on vocals and lead guitar. His passionately delivered lyrics accompanied his bluesy rock strummings. Craig backed up his brother’s vocals and played rhythm guitar. Noah, also of Noah’s Ark, was on bass arking out. The percussionist Chris Cauley, of Sayville, jammed out with the djembe. Finally, Paul Micca who used to play at the Sage's Jazz nights, was on the drums.  So for five bucks towards the band, and 6.50 a Captain and coke, I had an under 20 dollar Saturday night (I was driving and had to be responsible if you are doing the math). Not bad.

The band was indeed pretty phenomenal. Aside from the couple of strays from the guido bar across the street, the crowd was lively and grooving to the beat. One of the ‘strays’ from across the street was a shorter version of Mr. Clean, with the earring to match. Mr. Clean would throw his arms out in front of himself and shake his hips (not to the beat) every time a female looked his way. It did add an element of comedy to the night, and hey, The Sage does ask that you enjoy “… the people that are here." 

This event was SWAK worthy.    

Babelling

by Jay

One of the many interesting things to do around Buffalo is the Babel series. Every year, Just Buffalo Literary Center brings in 4 authors, international up to this point, to discuss their works. This has been my first year attending; when I saw the roster of speakers, I bought season tickets. So far, I've seen A.S. Byatt and Ha Jin, and last night, Azar Nafisi spoke. Her best-known work is "Reading Lolita in Tehran," and given the uprising in Tehran after the elections, I was very eager to see her.

 Ms. Fafisi is by far the most dynamic speaker to date; she is genuinely passionate about literature and education. She claims that she wants an amendment to our constitution that guarantees the right to imagination because only with imagination can we obtain empathy. Her talk was the most political of the three that I've seen, which I of course loved. (The previous two were more about their writing processes, which is also fascinating; as a non-writer, I'm always in awe of successful fiction authors.) Ms. Nafisi also seemed greatly influenced by the philosophy of Mikhail Bakhtin, which would make sense because his works were re-discovered around the time she returned to Iran.

Next up is Salman Rushdie, who I am dying to meet. I have to figure out a way to sneak backstage. I would try to flirt my way in, but the dude was married to Padma Lakshmi, fer crissake. I don't have enough time between now and then to get a complete face and body overhaul. Dammit.

Mundane Mondays? Try Boisterous Bingo at Amiable Avino’s.

by Prichinna

So maybe I am just preparing for old age? Or maybe things in suburbia just get so bad during the winter stretch that I will try anything? But “Who knew Monday could be so fun?” is what my new bingo buddy Brian said to me at my first Avino’s Bingo night.

For those of you who are not familiar with the south shore of Long Island in the winter time, there is not much to do. Particularly in the little village of Bellport I tend to frequent. During the warm months, the locals restaurant-hop, boat-hop, beach-hop, and quite possibly even bunny-hop. And there is much hopping to be done. But it all comes to a stand still during this dreadful wintry time of year. With most of the village restaurants closed on Monday nights, it seems to be left to Avino’s Italian Table to satisfy the restless natives.

And that is where I spent my most recent Monday night. I was first enlightened of Avino’s bingo night by my dear friend and hair-colorist, Cristian. When he asked me to go, I honestly didn’t think I would make it back out of my house after the back-to-work shock I was experiencing. While Monday’s aren’t easy for anyone, Monday nights are not any easier. After receiving a few ‘where are you’ texts, I decided “Ehhh, why not self? If it was the summer you would be out!” So I threw on a sweater, grabbed 20 bucks for the 20 cards, and off to the village I went. 

I was pleasantly surprised to see the parking lot packed. This would mean lots of company. But it also meant I had to park across the street; could be dangerous getting back across after a few hours of gaming. Nevertheless, I walked in to find a packed bar and a full restaurant. Seemingly, many groups had come down to first eat dinner and to secure a prime spot in the main dinning room.

I quickly located my lot of friends seated inside the dinning area, just outside of the bar. Just apps and drinks for us, but we still were able to sit in a cozy little corner of the main dinning room. Bonus! We were right next to the bingo caller and I had a bulls-eye view of the board. I ordered a Bacardi and Ginger - pint glass please - there were five games ahead of me, each with three chances to win.

So what were we all there playing for you wonder? Our hostess/bingo- caller/owner/proprietor displayed our choice of fine prizes on the mantel above just one of the three fireplaces that Avino’s has to offer. The prizes ranged from bottles of wine, such as a Kris pinot grigio, to gift baskets of movies, popcorn, and candy, to ‘Avino bucks’. There were even ‘point’ prizes (wink, wink) that ranged from 25 points to 260 points by the last game. I was ready for the fun to begin.

And it ensued. This was not your grandmother’s bingo. While it started of slow, like my sips of Bacardi, the game quickly picked up the pace. Subsequently, so did my drinking.

Before long, crayons were snapping as numbers were feverishly being colored in. Those out on the streets could hear our hoots and hollers. Ever so often a false bingo was called. The boos quickly turned to ahhs as we realized we still had another shot at a prize. A woman at my table continuously insulted the continuously winning table. “Your sister wears short-shorts!” she would yell every time they gave notice of being close to a win. When my colorist won the movie gift pack, his starburst became little missiles to be launched at that table we were quickly growing quite suspicious of.

In between games I nibbled on spicy hot wings from the six-dollar bar bite menu. They were a perfect degree of spicy. Enough to keep you sipping your drink, but not creating the need to dab your tongue with a paper napkin. I shared a delectable plate of Gnocchi Bolognese with another friend I enticed down to take part in the entertainment. The chocolate chip cookie pie and tartufo from the dessert menu were delicious as well.

As the last prize was given away, I realized that bingo is not just for grannies. Nor is it just a clever attempt for teachers to try to make learning fun in school. For some, it might just be about putting a few bucks in one’s pocket. But I think bingo is more about an evening guaranteed to be filled with laughs. An evening of much needed fun for the social scene of a small village stuck under the winter gray.

This event is SWAK worthy.